View source for TheGamer Dad : Navigating Fatherhood Gaming

<br><br><br><br>I’ve been a gamer all my life. From the Sega Genesis I got for Christmas in 1990, to the PlayStation 5 that will be lovingly adorned on the desk next to my gaming PC, "Gamer" is a title I’ve proudly associated myself with since I was 5-years-old. I’ve held other titles throughout my life, including Skater, Athlete, and Musician; I graduated college with a Political Science degree, but certainly never considered myself a Student (sorry, Mom.) <br><br><br>I’ve also held more personal titles, such as Son and Husband. While I’ve had my moments of triumphs in those roles, I’ve also faltered mightily, which was far worse than failing in any of my other titles. As such, the role of Gamer is the title that has withstood the test of time. It’s also really the only thing I’ve consistently excelled at with each passing year of my life. <br><br><br>However, last year, a new title was bestowed upon me, and it was one that I never really expected to have: Dad. <br><br><br>As Bad As Heihachi <br><br><br><br><br><br>I grew up without my father in my life, and besides my Grandpa (whom I looked up to a great deal while growing up,) I never really had a father figure until high school. This isn’t any sort of plea for sympathy or excuse - my Mom did one hell of an amazing job raising and providing for me on her own while teaching me what it means to be a man. It’s merely stated as context for me not  _ really  _ knowing what it would take to be a dad. <br><br><br>My father only provided me the framework for knowing what NOT to do, like, NOT calling my potential future son a "bad boy" for crying while being sick. NOT dropping my potential future son off at his aunt’s house when I’m supposed to be spending the weekend with him. NOT having an entire other family with children, and failing to wish my potential future son a happy birthday every single year. <br><br><br>I actually met my father for the first time in high school at a Denny’s. I didn’t really have any desire to do so, but went ahead with it on the advice of my swim coach so I wouldn’t regret missing the chance later in life. It went about as expected. It was awkward, and he asked questions about me that he sure as hell should have already known. The worst part, though, was his failure to apologize to me or take any accountability whatsoever for his complete and utter failure to me as a father. <br><br><br>As serendipity would have it, though, about 40-minutes into the "conversation," the restaurant’s power went out completely, allowing the meeting to end before I threw the lemonade that I was nursing in the face of the loser sitting across the table from me. We left without a hug, a handshake, or any plan to speak again; like it would have even been a possibility. <br><br><br>The Kratos Days <br><br><br><br><br><br>Fast-forward 15 years later, and I’m standing in the delivery room holding my newborn son, Declan James. It was surreal to finally meet him and sing to him while bouncing him to sleep… er,  _ trying  _ to bounce him to sleep. <br><br><br>After bringing him home, life was back to normal - or rather, the new normal. I pretty much immediately went back to writing about and reviewing video games. But now, I was doing so with more of a financial-driven interest, while at the same time navigating how to be a father and helping out in any way I could. <br><br><br>It was overwhelming, to say the least, and it got to the point where I felt like I was failing in all aspects of my life, including my relationship with gaming (professional or otherwise.) But the worst part was feeling like I was failing my son and his mother. <br><br><br>There was always a little voice in the back of my mind that kept saying, "You’re just like your father," when I felt like I was failing. Thankfully, I never let that noise prevent me from doing what I needed to do, because Declan deserved - and continues to deserve - my very best as his father. <br><br><br>Joel And Jon Marston-Inspired <br><br><br><br><br><br>I think the real change in me, my mentality, and my true connection to my son came on the morning of New Year’s Eve, which also happens to be his mother’s birthday. <br><br><br>On the way home from running errands in preparation for the evening’s festivities, "Where I Belong" by Simple Plan &amp; State Champs (featuring We The Kings) came on. I had heard the song in passing before, but had never really paid attention to the lyrics - which speak of not being perfect, but still doing your best while living in the moment. The first playthrough had me listening to the lyrics and applying them to every facet of my life as Declan’s Dad. The second and third playthroughs had me driving while full-on adult sobbing. By the time I pulled into my driveway, I was blasting the song from my speakers louder than anything I had jammed before. <br><br><br>I was inspired and excited, and it all had to do with the fact that I was Declan’s Dad and would do everything in my power to make him know that his father loves him. <br><br><br>As cliche as "New Year, New Me" might be, I reprioritized my life. This time was different than any of my attempts prior, though, as every change I was making was in the interest of my son, instead of myself. "How can I be better for him?" "How can I make sure Declan grows up to be the person I truly believe he’s going to be - which is someone who is going to speak for those without a voice and change this world for the better?" These were the questions at the forefront of my mind. <br><br><br>I work multiple jobs, so I rearranged and reprioritized my schedule to make sure that I was able to spend more of the short amount of time that I have with Declan. The shelter-in-place orders brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic made this a bit more difficult to navigate while working from home 24/7, but I am slowly making it work, often knocking out the majority of my major tasks in the wee hours of the early morning and late at night when Declan goes to bed (since he really doesn’t take traditional naps during the day.) <br><br><br>These tasks also include my video game-related ones, whether it be writing up news about exciting upcoming games, reviewing some of the latest indie and AAA titles, playing  _ GTA Online  _ with my nephews or  _ NBA 2K20  _ in my online league, or simply zoning out with some personal playtime in  _ [https://WWW.Openlandguide.xyz/ Open world game vehicles] of Warcraft  _ . I try to do most of my gaming-related tasks late at night. Though, admittedly, I do often write while holding Declan or while he does his own thing playing with his toys, which is something I am trying to be better about in terms of disconnecting. <br><br><br>ChipotleDad <br><br><br><br><br><br>At this point, it’s pretty unlikely that my love or involvement within the realm of video games fade away. I just have to navigate them in a different way now. It will be interesting to see if Declan shares in my video game passion as he gets older. If not, of course, no big deal. Hopefully, he is at least far more studious than his old man (and less inclined to play games before getting his schoolwork done.) <br><br><br>I wrote this piece while my son slept on my chest. He is having a rough weekend with three new teeth coming in, which means that my review of  _ The Last of Us: Part II  _ is taking a bit more time to complete than originally planned. It’s in the best interest of my son, though. I’m pretty confident that Joel would approve. <br><br><br>I can’t quite shake that near-daily nagging negative voice in my head about being like my father. I’ve made mistakes, and I know that I’m going to screw up again. Probably a lot. But, I will learn from every mistake and apply it towards being a better person and father for my son. Declan will absolutely always know that he is adored and loved by his father. His Gamer Dad. <br><br><br>NEXT: In The Last Of Us Part II, Living As A Queer Woman Is An Act Of Defiance <br>